


LYRIC PROMPT: Don't you know that you're toxic?

by LiterallyAmazingPhan



Series: A collection of word/lyric phan prompts [8]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Drabble, Lyric Prompt, M/M, Phan - Freeform, Phan Angst, Phan Fluff, Phanfiction, Poetic, phanfic, something different
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-08
Updated: 2016-02-08
Packaged: 2018-05-19 00:07:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5948371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiterallyAmazingPhan/pseuds/LiterallyAmazingPhan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Part of my series of drabbles based on word/lyric prompts:</p><p>“I choke on the sudden need to yell, to try to make you understand. You keep denying me of the moments we just had and it tears me apart. I stay silent, pain pulsating inside me. I can’t bear seeing you with these other people, the ones who get to hold you at night between their arms. the ones who get to pleasure you the way I did that one night. I need to feel you again, but you claim I was mistake, we were a mistake, and I love you way too much to try and get hurt again.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	LYRIC PROMPT: Don't you know that you're toxic?

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on my tumblr blog as a part of the lyric/word prompt challenge. Hope you like it!

You’re sitting there in front of your laptop again. The look of concentration on your face is enough to make me smile fondly. I know you wouldn’t listen to anything I have to say right now and it’s totally fine, because you know deep down that I’d do the same. We understand each other’s similarities and differences too well, it always surprises our friends how in tune with each other we are.

Don’t you know adorable you look when you focus on your screen like that?

You look up at me and you smile after I keep staring for too long, a silent question in the tip of your tongue. I shake my head and you put a hand through your disheveled hair, attempting to tame it before giving up with a small huff. I feel the beginning of laughter tickling in my chest at the sight, as you mumble something and go back to work.

Don’t you know how beautiful you look with your messy hair, comfortable jumper, and socked feet?

I find myself staring at you again in a random afternoon, the light shining on your pale skin. We both don’t go outside much, so it’s impossible to miss the lack of pigment in our skin. It suits you, I think to myself. Everything about you is so pleasing to my eyes, it’s like every single little piece of you is orchestrated to turn you into this beautiful masterpiece. The admiration shines in my eyes and I know you realize this. I know you’ve seen the loving look in my eyes, my inability to look away.

Don’t you know how special you are to me?

Your hands pull me close whenever I’m teetering on the edge of life, whenever I’m getting too close to any danger. Your kind and caring eyes guide me to safety, they always have. I don’t think I’ve ever thanked you for that. Your strong arms hold me close whenever something stupid scares me and I never feel safer than when my head is resting on your chest.

Don’t you know that you’re my anchor?

Sometimes, I feel like you’re just messing with me. Whenever you stretch lazily and look up at me with these heavy eyes, I feel my heart skip a beat. Whenever you make an inappropriate comment, staring straight at me, I feel like it could have been something. Whenever your hands touch me with so much tenderness, I feel like you _know_. Whenever I catch you staring at me before you inevitably play it off as an accident, I feel like you’re just playing with me. Whenever I hear you moaning in your room and I have all these mental images of what I’m missing on, I feel like you’re doing it just so I can hear it.

Don’t you know what you’re doing to me?

I feel your hands on my skin and I look up into your eyes. They shine with something unknown, something I haven’t seen before. A look I never thought would be directed to me, filled with lust. You smirk at me and I close the gap between us. Our bodies move automatically, the stench of alcohol in our breaths mingling with the smell of our colognes. You tell me how hot I am and I how much I wanted you. You tell me I’ve been driving you crazy for so long and I understand. I can relate to that feeling so well and I’m reduced to nothing but moans and screams of pleasure as you bring me up, up, up, until we both crash back down into the couch, exhausted and giggly.

Don’t you know how long I’ve waited for this moment?

Waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of your bedroom door slamming shut hurts somewhere deep inside my core. It doesn’t hurt more than the vacant feeling between my arms, the place you claimed as yours last night now completely empty. It doesn’t hurt as much as the words you spew at me the following morning, saying it was a “mistake” and it was “never meant to happen” and telling me how drunk we both were and how it would “never work”. Telling me none of that was real and that I should just let it go.

Don’t you know I can never do that?

Don’t you know I can never forget the feeling of your lips against my body, setting every single nerve-ending aflame?

Don’t you know it meant _everything_ to me?

I choke on the sudden need to yell, to try to make you understand. You keep denying me of the moments we just had and it tears me apart. I stay silent, pain pulsating inside me. I can’t bear seeing you with these other people, the ones who get to hold you at night between their arms. the ones who get to pleasure you the way I did that one night. I need to feel you again, but you claim I was mistake, _we_ were a mistake, and I love you way too much to try and get hurt again.

Don’t you know that you’re toxic?

I pull away, trying to escape you. You have me on your fingertips and I can never escape. Whenever you call I come to you. You don’t know how much you’ve hurt me. You don’t know how long I’ve missed the feeling of your lips against my own, the sweet poison you injected me when you left. Your moans through the walls mock me once again, but this time I can hear different voices, the sounds of the ones who get to have you. It’s too much and I want to leave, but you hold my life between your hands and you don’t even know! For you, I was nothing more than a fun night a while ago, one you quickly got over. For me, you’re still the poison rushing through my veins, the one I desire so much to feel again.

Don’t you know that you’re killing me?

One day, you finally realize. It was probably something I said, but your eyes clear for a moment and I can see the apology in there. You seem to come to your senses after a nasty breakup you went through. You probably saw the signs in my eyes, the reflection of the pain you were going through. I was there for you, of course. I always have. You apologize again and again for hurting me, but I forgave you long ago, and you know it. I’d always forgive you. My body still bears the scars, my hips miss grinding into yours, but I can’t be angry at you. It’s not who I am at all and you know it.

“Don’t you know that I love you, you idiot?”

The words surprise you and it seems like you finally figured out what that night really meant, so long ago. A beginning rather than a mistake. Your lips touch mine, sweetly, without the rush we had all that long ago. I can’t help but smile, because I can taste you again. You finally feel the same and I’ve waited for so long. We laugh and hold each other, finally finding our way back. You still seem unsure about the future of our relationship, even when we hold each other close again, and I just smile and reassure you that things have never really changed for me.

“You silly boy,

Don’t you know that this is all I ever wanted?”


End file.
